Month: August 2014
Never quite believed in the saying “brighter things await at the end of the tunnel” (or however it goes lol) and this was Because if I was having a pretty faith-testing or stressful week I never wanted to know the outcome because I would be in fear of things turning out not the way I wanted it to. I would pray for the strength to handle stressful situations, or for God to take care of what was burdening me but as soon as I finished praying Id go back to feeling anxious, fearful and let my thoughts eat at me…… It was Faith without faith. And I put limits on God cause I made the situation bigger than Him.
In the week just gone (on a Monday) the head of department of the School of Nursing set up a meeting with me to discuss the results of an exam that was compulsory for all students to pass. Everyone I spoke to had already got their marks except me so I was thinking the ultimate worse! Thought I was going to be told that I had to drop out and start again next year, thought I needed to repeat my degree- every negative thought was on replay. I did so much praying but I felt like I was only praying to make me feel better, like I knew God was listening but he wasn’t able to get me out of the situation. Sort of the feeling you get when youve done something bad, your hoping not to get in trouble but deep down you know you will, there was just no way of getting out of it. That was me.
– I asked God to spare me of the possibilities. Because I knew….that exam was one I never studied for, didn’t put the effort in because my time management is shocking lol, and so in my thinking: “God was going to let me live with the consequences of a lack of commitment in a degree that I was only placed in because He put me there”…... So like a guilty child who knew they should of done right by their parent, I was asking God for a second chance, I was not ready to let a lack of study and just pure laziness determine my whole length of study at University.
So long story short (because I have a bad habit of going on and on lol), two days before the meeting (scheduled for the Friday of that week) my sister had posted up a link on the story shared by the wife of Joel Osteen (search him up on YouTube, he speaks volumes of Wisdom and love for God). The story described a woman of faith. In a nut shell, she seeked healing and saw an opportunity to be healed by Jesus, who was walking through the town…. She suffered years of having the illness consume her spirit, she wanted to be free. Crowds gathered around Jesus, but she pushed through the crowds with faith that held her determination to reach him. She managed to touch the end of His cloak and instantly she was healed. Of all those surrounding Jesus, he felt her touch, and recognised the power of her Faith in Him. The relevance of the story was quite overwhelming. Two days before a meeting I was extremely worried about, I had God remind me that his grace was nevereneding, and that my faith needed to match. But believing wasn’t just me subconsciously asking, i needed to trust confidently, like the story of the woman in the bible, that God will take care of me.
At the end, the meeting was no more than 5mins, she gave me an opportunity to complete a section in the exam paper I got wrong, and with her smile she reassured me that she believed in me. And to think that hours before that I was just about in tears.
—Straight after, I got told I got a job with the university (one I desperately needed). God answered more than one prayer all at once.
My situation is one of so many times God has come through for me.
I saw the way my fears tried to eat me up. I saw Grace give me another chance and if I continued to neglect my studies God could leave me to live the consequences to teach me a lesson lol.
…. I was reminded again that I can’t put limits on God anymore. Its like telling a person who can walk that they couldn’t.
I posted in my last blog that believing makes things possible, and I’m more than willing to admit I fell short of knowing that during that last week
…..What I forgot to mention in that last blog, is that believing ain’t easy- it takes the core of your heart to keep the faith, it can be tiring, its hard, frustrating at times and challenges even the most faithful.
…..But what’s beautiful is that God only requires a mustard seed.
He had to let me go through a really hard week to remind me that he never breaks promises!
I understand that God won’t always get me out of situations like that of which I experienced. I understand that Grace enbled me to recieve the blessing. I realise that Faith isn’t clear-cut, I can’t always depend on seeing things physically just to be reassured. I need to Pray with an Honest heart, take my prayer seriously and know that as soon as I say “Amen” it will be done.
I had a tough week for sure, but after Friday I welcomed more blessings. Got to hang out with my family after so long, didn’t have transport to my tutorial in the city and to a friends birthday and had it all covered! And I had a good time witnessing a good friend turn 21!
Although I feel unworthy Lord, Thankyou for walking this journey with me, for your Love that covers a multitude of my sins….
when I was little I use to believe that when my tooth came out and I put it under my pillow a tooth fairy would come and collect it in exchange for money or something nice. I believed it more because what I didn’t know is that every time I’d place my tooth under my pillow my grandmother or mum (whichever one was tough enough to move my big head away 😂) would lift my pillow take my tooth and put money or chocolate there. This one day, I put my tooth under my pillow and my Nana put a Chocolate bar underneath. Obviously she underestimated my intelligence lol because I recognised that the chocolate bar she put there was the one I ate before I slept hahaha so I started doubting. And of course, I was pretty heart broken ….but in finding out that toothfairies weren’t real and all my fallen teeth were missing lol, something else happened that stayed with me for life.
My Nana took me outside with the tooth she took and told me to make a wish and to chuck it onto the roof of the house. Apparently it was a Samoan thing that was good? …. Anyways, I was making my wish (wished to win the lotto no lies lol) while nana was standing next to me and then she stopped me suddenly and told me to wish that I would continue to Love God and know a Love like God’s.
In my child-like thinking, I saw that one wish I was asked to make as a ticket to getting exactly what I wished for; so why was she asking me to wish for something that wasn’t as important as something like … Winning the lotto? I thought, man … She was taking this Belief in God way to serious.
I look back now, and I get overwhelmed with why that memory is so vivid in my mind. What stands out the most to me was the amount of belief nana had in God. She believed whole heartedly that if I can continue to Love God, that was all I needed above wishing on more money or getting something I’ve always wanted. She believed that my life can be full of riches if I loved a God who gave her the riches .
And what’s funny … Is that I never understood why she took God seriously until I started to see the way He intervened in parts of my life and changed it completely. Then what blew me away even more was when i opened up the Bible that was written so many centuries ago and saw that the same way he intervened in those peoples lives was what I was experiencing and what I was seeing in real life .
I get why people might think that me an. other christians take this Belief in God seriously… But until you Believe that it’s possible to have a Love like God’s, it will be hard to understand fully.
(die hard Beyonce fans, I’m not mocking her don’t worry lol)
Ever felt weird after doing something out of the ordinary?…. Like, the first ever time you yelled at someone and you knew that they knew it wasn’t you to yell. And then afterwards you’d feel like weird or awkward about doing it, and wished you didn’t do it. (am I even making sense? Lol). that feeling was me this morning when I realised I “blogged” :’) was so tempted to like delete this and pretend like I didn’t act all macho the night before. Lol but no. “I’m committed, I’m committed” lol
For real though, I have no clue what im getting myself into with blogging, I don’t know enough about it. Like, is it safe? What do I write about? How often? So I decided; I’m going to write when I feel like there’s a need to, and I’ll write for Purpose. It would be real good to know I make a difference with someone, somewhere even with my grammatically incorrect sentences. 😂:roll:
Challenging you to try something new. Don’t weigh it up or compare it to how you Think others will respond to it. Just do it. Do something you Know is not a ‘you’ thing to do. I Promise, whatever it Is will contribute to something or someone.
“Didn’t think I’d be here if it weren’t for the spirit in me that kept saying; go. Use what you have to do something…”
So I’m Giovanna. And I’m new to this whole blog thing. I’m in love with a guy named Jesus, with my self at times (haha), and heaps of food!
Obviously there’s way more to me than food and ❤ing myself (sometimes)… but the more I go on about it the bored-er (lol) I get and then I’ll lose interest and stop blogging
I used that not-so-charming pic of myself cause it sort of represents what, and where I’m taking this new blogging thing. Had God tell me a while back to start blogging… He said: “Giovanna, you are pretty good at writing to yourself, do something about it”…And so I didn’t 😂 lol and just yesterday He said: “Giovanna, not only are you disobedient but you’re not good at committing” – legit, that hurt my soul. Cause I saw a flash back of all the times of when i said I’d do something, for myself or for someone else… And I was pretty good, I started, lol. And never completed it. Or if I did, it was way too late. My heart hurt cause then I was like, wow. What makes me want to get married? How can I say I want kids when I can’t commit to a diet? Or organising my school work? Hahaha had to laugh about it, but as dramatic as it sounds… It is waaaayyyy too true.
So long story short, I made God a vow that I’ll try my best to commit and obey. I think I was at a point where I wanted to see change and I was bench-sitting waiting for God to be miraculous where he made it clear that Faith without Action is pointless. I tried to decide whether this change was because I wanted to prove to God that I could be obedient and Faithful, or was this the action of a willing heart!? …… I figured, God doesn’t need anyone to prove anything… He already knows it all! So really I’m responding to a call towards Purpose ; as part of my purpose, I need to know more about myself, but to do it I have to step outside my comfort zone. I’m naturally a Private person, and never ever would I have agreed to something as exposing as Blogging. BUT I feel like this is intiating something new. All I need is a canvas for my thoughts, whoever reads it, reads it because they needed to. And if these blogs stay unread that’s okay too 😭 hahaha… I’m on my way to Victory, learning obedience and making a commitment! All that comes with this lil journey, will come for a reason! 😇
I have rivers of things too say, got absolutely no clue how this is all going to unfold but it will. 🙂
It’s obvious now, that I’m quite Spiritual. A lot of what comes next could be more of my conversations with God, but also on my thoughts and opinions and just life in general. Id never do it otherwise, but here’s to STEPPING OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONES….. Nekminit 😂😂😂😎 kidding.
P.s my Friends and I have a consensus, that my grammar and spelling and English altogether is Terrible (so reader or non-reader lol bear with me)